Confidence

on Tuesday, 26 September 2006
You know what I hate about advice from family? They don't give it when you ask; they give it after the time you could've used it. It's a really frustrating and confidence-denting time for me, juggling work problems, wedding preparations, house preparations, and, of course, leisure time (you think I'd leave it out? ;) ). What's so frustrating? Here's a summary of how I feel:
  • Me: How should I do this?
  • Family: You decide loh, whatever you like.
  • Me: Ok, I'll do it this way.
  • Family: No, no, you shouldn't do that, do this instead.
  • Me: ... but why not my way?
  • Family: Cos of this and that and those. Do it my way.
  • Me: ...
How is this frustrating? (Nay, it can even be disgusting sometimes depending on how many times it happens in a day). Sure, I'm probably being too harsh and unfair to my family who are most assuredly saying what they think is best for me. But can't they be more tacit or subtle about it? Or better yet, let me know before I do it instead of refuting and denying and naysaying me. The above sample is not exactly an exaggeration. It happens quite often. Each time something needs to be decided, and I defer my decision, I get pushed into making one. Each time I make one, I get all sorts of objections and opinions on why my decision sucks. I hate it. If you have an opinion, say it. If you have a decision in mind, make it. Why should make the final say? Because it's my stuff? Oh ok... yet my decision gets battered and bashed into an unrecognisable lump of worthless crap. Over-reacting? Yes, I am. But I feel that way. I don't have alot of self-confidence, I admit that; and I know it's a bad thing for a guy. That's why I don't like making decisions, but I do make them anyway, because I know I have to. Sure, let me know if I'm making the wrong decisions. But can't the problems be highlighted to me before I make my decision? It really steps on my confidence. I choose A. Suddenly, I get several reasons why it's a bad idea, and I should choose B. Right... and those reasons couldn't have been mentioned earlier because I haven't decided yet. I had to be made to feel stupid and useless because I should have thought of those myself. How come you didn't think of those? How come you didn't ask this? How come you didn't do that? Right. Here's my response: How come you didn't tell me earlier? Why didn't you make that decision? Why didn't you tell me directly what you're thinking instead of hinting it? Why must you wait until after the event to let me know and then force me to go rectify it? And then act like it's all my fault for letting it come to pass. Sigh. And they're all my loved ones and closest people. This is all so frustrating. I haven't been out working for very long. I've been pretty sheltered (yea, really, I know) my life and I'm still learning how to stand on my own two feet. Can't I get some slack and support and encouragement instead of demoralising negative responses? But then, what am I complaining about? It's been like the whole of my life. I'm used to it already. Didn't speak out about it; I know all were done with the best of intentions, if not the best of methods. Terribly sorry. I'm just ranting. But I just want to let it out. Sure, let the whole world know. A colleagues says blogs are too public. Yea, true, but it's a kind of therapy I think. It's been a good long while since I've ranted on something personal on this blog anyway. Great, now I'm sounding like an emo wimp.

Hmm... I wonder if my sister feels the way with some of the things I said to her... if I did, I'm sorry sis.

2 responses:

Li Wen said...
5/12/06 13:05

Maybe they just wanted to know your plans earlier. That's all, not the last minute report, they need your proposal. Well, something like that. They rant to me as well. They need information.

I couldn't help much with your preparations. Because I didn't get any information on what I should do. And I don't like to poke my nose into your matter. So I keep quiet.

Quote:
-Why don't you tell me earlier??
-Because you didn't ask. I assumed that you know.

Anonymous said...
14/8/08 15:40

it's a universal problem:

http://www.artofeurope.com/larkin/lar2.htm