Want To, Have To

Things you want to do and things you have to do. It would be ideal if your to-dos can fit into both. Our present society makes it a fact of life that you have to put aside things you want to do for things that you have to do.

Lucky are those who managed to find a large intersection between things they want to do and things they have to do. Blessed are those who find satisfaction and reconciliation with themselves for doing things they have to do instead of things they want to do. These people will find less frustration in life each time they look at the clock at night.

Are these people in better control of their time? Could they possibly have more time to spend? Do these people simply require less to feel content and satisfied? Perhaps the things they want to do are quickly accomplished? Or do they simply have less things they want to do? Perhaps it is a measure of selfishness. To be selfish is to want more for yourself. To be unselfish is to want less for yourself. A person is satisfied by getting what one wants. In that light, a selfish person is harder to satisfy, simply because it takes more to satisfy them. It is rather ironic that unselfish people are satisfied because they want others to have more. But are they really satisfied by the thought of others getting more? Or are they satisfied because their feelings of want are more easily quelled?

How do you make yourself want less? How do you make yourself happy by wanting less? The proper answer is that you should not want in the first place; and to be happy of what you have, not envious of what you don't. Sound advice indeed, but I cannot help asking: Are you happy because, deep down, you already have what you want and want what you already have?

I learn

Commitment and sacrifice. I learned the hard way; had to have it hammered into me. But I learn and in learning, I shall change. I will change. I must change.

The Essence of Love

I recently received forward email that contains something akin to chicken soup. As I do not recall signing up for it, after receiving it a couple of times, I almost replied to be removed. For some reason, I didn't, and proceeded to actually read it. What I read suddenly became the very answer that I had been looking for in all my previous posts regarding my own time.

While the topic of the forwarded email was "Spending Time with our young children is Love", the very last paragraph in it applies to everyone around us:

"Your most precious gift is your time. Only when you give up your (leisure, computer, game, social, TV, etc.) time, do you truly prove your love for your children (read: loved ones). Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Thus, you show your love in action and not in words only."

Sounds pretty obvious doesn't it? But I was blinded to that simple explanation for so long. I have given my loved ones a lot of pain, frustration, and disappointment. Words are not enough. I know what to do now Lord. Thank you God.

Hardcore Gamer

According to this research, the general belief that the more hardcore gamers are young working adults who have more spending power is false. Apparently, true hardcore gamers are mainly those between age 6 and 17. Wow, I'm kinda... quite out of that range now...

Oh well, time passes, and we age. As highlighted here, as we move from a generally distraction- and commitment-free life of a teenager to that of a working, married, and/or in-a-relationship life, the amount of time that we can spend on gaming gets sliced off to the other more realistic and practical parts of life. I really miss those days school, college, and university days when I can just sit down in front of the computer and let everything else just fade away until I'm fully into the game.

Times like these are getting lesser and lesser, although I'm not saying I'm no longer doing that, just less often and shorter (relative to the good-old-days of course). But if you ask my wife-to-be, she'll definitely say I'm still playing too much. Oh well, I try not to play too much, but it kinda feels like I'm missing out on soooo many things these days; work life eats up a lot of personal time. Even after around 4 years of working (yes, only 4, i'm still young!), I'm still rueing the fact that my personal hours have been shortened considerably and still trying to get used to it. Ah, time, the creator of nostalgia.

Confidence

You know what I hate about advice from family? They don't give it when you ask; they give it after the time you could've used it. It's a really frustrating and confidence-denting time for me, juggling work problems, wedding preparations, house preparations, and, of course, leisure time (you think I'd leave it out? ;) ). What's so frustrating? Here's a summary of how I feel:

• Me: How should I do this?
  
• Family: You decide loh, whatever you like.
  
• Me: Ok, I'll do it this way.
  
• Family: No, no, you shouldn't do that, do this instead.
  
• Me: ... but why not my way?
  
• Family: Cos of this and that and those. Do it my way.
  
• Me: ...

How is this frustrating? (Nay, it can even be disgusting sometimes depending on how many times it happens in a day). Sure, I'm probably being too harsh and unfair to my family who are most assuredly saying what they think is best for me. But can't they be more tacit or subtle about it? Or better yet, let me know before I do it instead of refuting and denying and naysaying me. The above sample is not exactly an exaggeration. It happens quite often. Each time something needs to be decided, and I defer my decision, I get pushed into making one. Each time I make one, I get all sorts of objections and opinions on why my decision sucks. I hate it. If you have an opinion, say it. If you have a decision in mind, make it. Why should make the final say? Because it's my stuff? Oh ok... yet my decision gets battered and bashed into an unrecognisable lump of worthless crap. Over-reacting? Yes, I am. But I feel that way. I don't have alot of self-confidence, I admit that; and I know it's a bad thing for a guy. That's why I don't like making decisions, but I do make them anyway, because I know I have to. Sure, let me know if I'm making the wrong decisions. But can't the problems be highlighted to me before I make my decision? It really steps on my confidence. I choose A. Suddenly, I get several reasons why it's a bad idea, and I should choose B. Right... and those reasons couldn't have been mentioned earlier because I haven't decided yet. I had to be made to feel stupid and useless because I should have thought of those myself. How come you didn't think of those? How come you didn't ask this? How come you didn't do that? Right. Here's my response: How come you didn't tell me earlier? Why didn't you make that decision? Why didn't you tell me directly what you're thinking instead of hinting it? Why must you wait until after the event to let me know and then force me to go rectify it? And then act like it's all my fault for letting it come to pass. Sigh. And they're all my loved ones and closest people. This is all so frustrating. I haven't been out working for very long. I've been pretty sheltered (yea, really, I know) my life and I'm still learning how to stand on my own two feet. Can't I get some slack and support and encouragement instead of demoralising negative responses? But then, what am I complaining about? It's been like the whole of my life. I'm used to it already. Didn't speak out about it; I know all were done with the best of intentions, if not the best of methods. Terribly sorry. I'm just ranting. But I just want to let it out. Sure, let the whole world know. A colleagues says blogs are too public. Yea, true, but it's a kind of therapy I think. It's been a good long while since I've ranted on something personal on this blog anyway. Great, now I'm sounding like an emo wimp.

Hmm... I wonder if my sister feels the way with some of the things I said to her... if I did, I'm sorry sis.

Turning a Page

I am, right now, officially an ex-staff of my company, joining a whole bunch of those who left before me. It's a been an interesting journey, full of ups and downs, hates and loves, and bittersweet memories. People who could've made a difference has gone before me, and people who are probably better off in a competitor's employ are still in the company, and still there are people left to carry on the slow (very!) march onwards. On the one hand, I feel sad that I'm leaving this part of my life behind, but excited at the start of something new. It's a weird mix of feelings when I start handing over the work that I've been doing for the better part of my 2-year-plus time in the company. It's like giving away my blood and sweat and all those long nights. In a way, it's a relief as well, to no longer have to look at it... :P Oh well, the next chapter is here, and I'm definitely looking forward to see what it contains.

Money No Enuf

You know, I realised that given all the things I want to buy and own, discounting the really expensive ones, I can easily blow RM 10K in a book shop or a hobby shop. Sigh. Me and my possessive nature. "Possessive" is a trait my girlfriend identified. I didn't really think of it as "possessive" before; before she mentioned it, it was just a "want". Must... resist... temptations...

Juggling with the Time of your Life

I'm a loner at heart; which is the reason why news and gossip always reach my ears last (or not at all!). Is it a bad thing to be socially disinclined? In pure honesty, I'd rather play games or read a good book than go out on weekly or even nightly social activities. Disco? No thanks. Bar? Nah. Dinner? See-lah. Mamak? Maybe. I don't feel good turning down good friends. Sorry all.

Maybe I just need to trim away some of my interests. Perhaps give up on some things that I keep myself up-to-date with and focus more on other parts of my life. Which parts? Family and friends for starters. As life goes on, more and more people appear who'd need a share of your time and devotion. I know I've been neglecting alot of loved ones, especially the closer ones. Worse when I give unfair shares. Sometimes, I just feel reluctant to give out a share when my own share is already small. Or maybe I'm just blind to how much I'm hoarding to myself.

Life, I believe, is about personal enrichment and experience. But how do you specifically define that? By doing things that make you happy? By doing things that make others happy? Or somewhere in between? How much of your own life should be dedicated to others? How much is too much?

Religion aside, we only have a lifetime each. Is it really selfish and foolish to want to spend it to the betterment of the self? Is it really noble and praiseworthy to spend it to the betterment of others?

I think the corrects answers would both be yes. Without those who sacrifice, there won't be a better tomorrow. Life is not a lonely road. Life is all the more richer by the lives of others we enrich. Life is more about the giving than the receiving.

I'm still trying to convince myself. God help me.

A Fork in the Road

I've recently arrived at a fork on the road of life. I got an opportunity to work in a large multi-national corporation as opposed to staying in this current small start-up company. Let me organise my thoughts...

The pay's only slightly better, but the benefits are definitely very much better. Of course, given the new location, the transportation costs and traveling time may well increase, so it's more about the job.

It's a change of environment and is a new beginning, with lots to learn and opportunities for new contacts. But I'm neither fond of changes nor making new contacts. I wasn't good at people skills to begin with and haven't picked up enough yet. But of course, I have to learn at some point. Also, let's just say that my technical skills probably won't be in any challenging or interesting situations; which is bad, since I'd much rather face a computer than a customer.

I'd get to periodically travel to new locations. That might be good, except most of the time, I'd rather be at home. Being away from weeks and months at a time is, well, unexciting at the very least (to me anyway).

The job doesn't feel bad at all, but I can't help feeling apprehensive about it. The road seems to lead to a point where I had no interest in going. So what's wrong with changing again if I don't like it? Because there's still quite a bit I can learn by staying. There's an expert (a damn good one) in the house.

Currently, things might not feel stable, but I was reassured it's more stable than it looks. And I did say I'd stay until Chinese New Year, to see how things go after all the hand-overs. Plus, I have this promise of a good job with even better pay after the festive period... we'll see.

Oh my... I'm leaning towards staying. Can you believe it? Truth to tell, after quite a bit of chats with my (relatively small) circle of friends, I do, in fact, rather stay on than change jobs.
What?! Are you crazy?! Yeah, yeah, maybe I am. I actually feel sad about leaving. There's so much potential in the product, if only we can get past that point of actually selling it. Some of the objections put forth by my pals (my beloved included):

• Wait for Chinese New Year lah, more jobs, find more alternatives.
  
• You donno how to talk to customers wan lah, sure kena bully.
  
• You sure? I thought you just like to interface with computers?
  
• Ask you mamak oso you lazy, some more want to go overseas ah?
  
• A bit waste loh, since haven't close shop, faster ask for promotion lah!

Well... as mentioned, sooner or later you'd have to learn. Right now, I'm thinking later. All those talks and ponderings have actually brought out some resolutions for next year. I even made a list of things I need to improve on. But first and foremost, I need to pick up:

• Better code and design skills. Basically, more technical know-how.
  
• Professionalism. These days, I haven't been working as I'm being paid. Letting morale and feelings cloud my judgment. You can hate your job, your colleagues, or your superiors; but work is work. Personal feelings should never influence the results of which you're being paid for.
  
• Leadership and team skills. I need to learn this anyway, so what better way to do it than in a working environment I'm familiar and comfortable with?
  
• Basic business logic. I need to learn this anyway, so might as well try to pick up some concepts.

Bad choice, good choice? Only time will tell (wah cheh, like I'm making a really big decision like that... :P ). But a decision has been made. I better go apologise to those whose efforts I wasted.

You are Blessed

A colleague forwarded this to my inbox yesterday morning. It's very meaningful in that we should always look at what we have and not what we don't have.

If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.

My pastor talked about covetousness during the previous mass, about the tenth Commandment. We should always be content with what we have, and not only lament what we don't have and dream about what we want. It's probably difficult to achieve (since I'm guilty of it in so many ways), but when you do, you'll find life much happier when you feel like you already have all that you need.

Color Quiz

Seeing that my sis took the ColorQuiz and posted the results, I decided to shamelessly do the same thing:

Your Existing Situation
Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an esthetic atmosphere of peace and tenderness.
whoa... really?

Your Stress Sources
The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.
yup yup

Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to become emotionally involved, but demanding and particular in his choice of a partner and in his relations with those close to him. Needs reassurance and is careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce his prospects of realizing his hopes.

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
interesting... i didn't know that :P

Your Desired Objective
Suffering from pent-up overstimulation which threatens to discharge itself in an outburst of impulsive and impassioned behavior.
beware! all of you!

Your Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. His inability to enforce his will causes him to over-react in stubborn defiance and by assigning to others all the blame for his own failures.
It's not my fault I tell you, not my fault!! lol

Longing

My girlfriend is heading back to her hometown again for the weekend. And I'm torn between two different feelings.

First, due to my long working hours, I truly, truly appreciate any time that I can have feeling bored. I never knew being bored and not knowing what to do can feel so extremely wonderful. Sigh, busy busy busy. Hence, I simply love the weekends. Except when I have to work on Sundays of course. On such days, I just want to be left alone and doing whatever I feel like doing (including nothing of course).

But then again, I kinda miss her and wished she could be here next to me. Even though I'd rather be alone. I want to spend the time I have with her. Yet, I still enjoy spending the time alone.

Ah, longing. What art thou?

Maybe I should find a job with shorter hours...

Flawed Creations

I've been meaning to ask someone about this but never did get around to it. Just last night, while having a dinner with colleagues, one of them mentioned an event that happened last weekend. My colleague, quite well-versed with Buddhist teachings, was approached by Christians attempting to get him to join a talk or gathering. One of the questions those Christians could not satisfactorily answer was why humans are flawed. I share my colleagues question.

If God created everything and He is Almighty, why did He create flawed products? Jesus gave his life for the people's sins. Yes, that's noble and all (if true), but why do people sin in the first place? Why did God create humans who could and would sin?

I've heard answers that it's because God gave us free will, where we could make decisions for ourselves. But why are we flawed in the sense that we give in to temptations easily? Could God not have created a race of people resistant to temptations? And where is the free will when rules exist as to how to conduct ourselves?

The world has not always been so. Adam and Eve lived in paradise, but Eve fell prey to the evil serpent's temptations to taste the forbidden fruit. Even the very first woman God created was flawed. Why did God create a flawed woman who would doom all Man to forever bear the burden of work and toil, and all Woman to the pains of labour and child birth? Why did God create a serpent that was evil? Why did He allow the serpent to do evil? And why did He create the forbidden fruit in the first place if He did not want Adam or Eve to eat it?

Indecipherable actions with infinitely deep meaning of an incomprehensible God? Or a greater truth that no religious person would dare ponder...?

Marriage

I'm sure all you dating people out there have given thought about marriage right? I guess I'm in a dilemma. See, my girlfriend's older (a small number, but in years) than I am; so naturally, she'll start getting all that pressure to get married earlier than me. On the one hand, I don't want her to have to go through them each time she meet up with relatives (luckily her parents didn't); and on the other hand, I don't want to get married before I'm financially secure and ready. Solution? Work hard I guess. This lecturing contract, supplemented with part-time research claims, is probably not enough. Night job? One more part-time job? Sigh. Like a good friend of mine said: "You just have to make sure you grow up faster."

Busy

I've got a lot of stuffs to do. I have to finalise and start producing something from the research work I'm doing for my supervisor; I have to start preparing subject materials for two subjects (new semester starts next week); and my girlfriend's coming down tomorrow (for which I'm extremely glad, although I must say I'll have to really try to slot in time for her). But at least this'll kick me back into a more active routine, rather than time passing slowly and uneventfully by.

The Belief System

Jas directed to me some atheists' sites in response to my previous entry on religion (July 2). I'm not a free-thinker. Definitely not one. I guess it's the fact that while I don't believe in the "rightness" of religions, I do believe in divinity. Somehow, I do get the feeling that there is a God somewhere out there, but it's just He/She/It is much more passive and doesn't care about how what we do. It's just like watching ants go about their business. How long would your attention span last if I told you to keep an eye on those ants crawling on your wall about their business? I'd more often than not smash my fingers into them! Muah-hah-hah-ha!!!

Ahem... Dead Serious Warning! Following paragraphs would be considered blasphemous by MOST if not ALL religions!

And just a little pondering: Did God create the world? If so, who created God? How did God exist in the first place? There's an alternate answer: Evolution created the world, WE created God. Wait, wait, before you all start screaming curses (again!) let me explain my thoughts. First off though, if anyone has at least more than passing knowledge of the world of Dungeons & Dragons (it's an RPG) and/or read Raymond E. Feist's fantasy novels. Anyway, since most people would be inclined to agree that our minds are incredily complex, and some believe that we are capable of extraordinary feats such as ESP, telekinesis, precognition and such. There's also this phrase: "If we put our minds to it, we could accomplish anything."

What's the whole point? Well, I'm just offering some reference to my thought: that because we humans have believed in the divinity for so long, divinity simply came into existence!! Incredible? Unbelievable? Think my basis is simply too baseless? Remember X-files? Or rather specifically one episode (I don't remember which season) about killer cockroaches. It deals with something call mass hysteria. That's just scratching the surface on the science behind our minds and our belief systems. Did you know that you can't always trust your mind? Sadly, I don't have links and no more time to search. It's said that our minds are horribly logical things, it simply has to interpreted in a manner in which it can be stored. If you encounter something that defies explanation, somehow, your mind will put it in focus and you'll "understand" it. This is actually one of the explanations given to (vague) reports of UFO sightings and ghosts. Because we simply couldn't explain it logically, our mind simply attributes it to the next best thing. And the problem is, the moment our mind conmes to a conclusion, it's so ingrained as a truth it's extremely difficult to debunk or disprove. But I'm digressing.

Still think there's no basis for my idea? How about this: I'm sure we've all heard of doctors who claim that some patients who were not expected to recover, miraculously recovered. Act of God or his angels? Before we go in that direction, how about: Belief? and Will? The patient (and maybe family/friends) so desperately wanted to recover that his body responded supernaturally. What about those yoga masters who undergo isolation, sensory deprivation and starvation? Mind over matter. Our mind is infinitely powerful, as long as one knows how to use it.

Still not accepting even the slightest possibility that our belief through the millenias could have brought divinity into existence by the mere power of thought? Well how about... oh heck, nothing more to add. I better stop typing. You may not accept it, but it's still a logical thought, right? I welcome arguments.

As an Educator

I'm going to start work as a lecturer soon (though it probably won't be a permanent job just yet). I'm getting pretty nervous. The start of the next semester's just around the corner. And no, it's not a public university and it's not a college, so I suppose that should narrow things down. Not going to name, as I'm still not used to the idea of exposing everything around me (except those I've already exposed on the sidebar).

So far, 25 students are confirmed *gasp*. What? So it's not that much, but it's still the first group of students who's going to depend on me for that subject! *shudder* Having been a tutor didn't seem to help much... sure, those were my students too, but I was there as an assistant. Now, full responsibility is on my shoulders. *sigh* What if I can't impart what I know? What if they don't understand what the freak I'm talking about? How the hell am I going to drag a lecture for two long hours?! What if someone complains? Oh boy... getting out of hand.

Oh well, at least I've seen enough lecturers to know what NOT to do. And I hope they agree to break up the lecture into 2 sessions.

On Religion

Before I start, I have a little disclaimer: 1. I am not a religion expert, just your average Malaysian Chinese guy, but I'm going to refer to Christianity mostly; 2. I am not trying to offend or be blasphemous, so to ye of narrow mind, let ye be warned! 3. To non-Christians, please do not take my words too seriously, these are merely my views and my perceptions, which may be wrong and/or inaccurate.

First off, I'd wanted to blog about this for a while already. I just never got started until I read these and this and this. Those links don't really related to what I'm trying to say here but some of the comments do. It's either I don't understand Christianity well enough, or I understand too much of points that most Christians seem to ignore.

I kept thinking about Christianity ever since I found my love. She's a Christian you see, and it seems that both my girlfriend and her mother would really prefer that I convert to a Christian soon. Sigh. Know what? I can't. I'm not an atheist or free thinker; I do believe in divinity, be it a single God or Gods, doesn't matter. A God would have multiple facets or sides and each of those sides could be seen as another entity, so it could be a polytheism technically. My view of God isn't similar to most, if not all, religions (narrow-mindedness reminder!) because I see God as a passive entity. And as such, I don't believe in religions and all they tell of. How can they know? Sure, it's based on holy books or scriptures, but that doesn't guarantee that's what God says (although the faithful would probably start shaking their head and/or cursing me). My point is, how would God be considered as taking an active role in our lives when there are no signs of it?

I used to believe in Christianity, back when I was a kid. But my father forbidded it (he says children must not be influenced so early, let us grow up and decide for ourselves) and really scolded my mother for even taking me to church. So you could say it's a childhood phobia. But as I grew, I saw that the God Christians spoke of isn't all that great. My er4 yi2 (second aunt on my mother's side in Chinese) died of liver cancer. She suffered for years in bed. Her husband became a devote Christian and everyday, pastors and fellow worshippers came from around the area to pray for her health. She died anyway. And my cousin (best friend at the time) and I became estranged cos his father moved and remarried.

Then there's my uncle who's a real hypocrite. Mouthing Christian virtues yet committing the most selfish and self-centered acts to his siblings and relatives. Serves him right for being a lonely old man now. There are others too, pretending to be good Christians yet are rotten when they're outside the church.

My point is not that Christians have to be good. My point is why did God let such things happen? My aunt was a devote worshipper and loved me and my mom very much. Why the hell did God let her die? Yeah, sure, Christians will say that it wasn't God's will, it's just plain bad luck that she was afflicted. Same goes for those who got SARS or were in Afghanistan or Iraq when the US invaded.

There was once this sermon I heard, which says that we should be thankful to God for the good things He provided, but must not blame him for the evil things that befall us. And here I was thinking that is so contradictory. And note that this doesn't just apply to Christians. This applies to most major religions. If God is all-encompassing, shouldn't it be possible for Him to be vengeful and punishing? Why does God not save His faithful, and why does God let live big evil-doers? Hope they will repent? Yeah right, like they will. Wars, famine, crimes, bad things are happening everywhere. Where's God? Does he care? Doesn't seem like He does. He weeps? So He'd rather weep than do something about it? I'm not saying God is bad or lousy, I'm just saying that He's a more passive type than religions try to portray Him (or Them, depending on your beliefs). Ever see any of your non-trivial prayers ever come true? It's never an unexplainable success or good luck. Pray for success? Sure, work hard, get the right connections, and you'll succeed. Exams? Sure, study hard, plan schedule, maintain health, spot questions. Pray for safety? How about good fortune? No, I forgot, there's no such thing as good luck, just bad luck.

One more thing is this: What is Heaven? An eternal realm of light where there's no pain or sorrow. This applies to almost all known major religions right? And I would ask, what else? What else do we do there? Do we just worship and praise God every day eternally? I've never met a Christian who has actually thought about this before. Just what is it can we do in Heaven that's going to last forever? Won't it be a pretty boring place when you do just about the same thing every single day for the rest of eternity? I don't know about you, but the idea of having to live forever in one place and do the same thing over and over again really scares me.

This is even more so if I go there with the knowledge that my parents, relatives, and close friends will never be there. My father's as good a father as you'll ever get. Providing for the family all by himself and raising great kids (shameless vanity!). My mom's a really devoted parent. And I have a wonderful, if sometimes bossy, sister. But they're not Christians; they don't go to church; they don't belong to any religion. By most religions, they're going to Hell. How can this be? What happened to "Love thy neighbour, love thy enemies"? Will God not be compassionate and let all righteous, honest, and hardworking people go to Heaven? Or must they spend an eternity in Hell with murderers and heinous evil simply for the 'sin' of not being a faithful?

Moody Day

Today is my moody day. It's something I coined. It happens to me once in a while, usually every couple of weeks, though it's frequency is rather random. On such a day, I tend to feel bored, in the sense that I don't feel like doing anything (as in "no mood" to do anything). My friends describe me as "deep in thought" or "looking troubled" during such days.

I don't know why it occurs, it just does. I'm not even thinking or pondering anything, I just... feel melancholic about everything.. and nothing. Hard to describe.